Vejo contraste em tudo que olho.
A cor se opõe ao vazio
a luz à escuridão
Polaridades
Dicotomias
Policromias
Oposições
Um perene nojo no ar
Uma náusea insistente
Do que é mas não deveria.
Do fofo, doce, lindo, aconchegante
Borrado (intencionalmente) com petróleo
A aflição do inevitável
O desencanto
A realidade.
O que é realidade?
O que é dor?
O que temos para hoje?
I have no idea where to go… But I can feel I am getting closer.
I know I don’t need a car to take me there. Nor luggage.
My trip starts in my heart, travels through my eyes and can reach the most distant places in the Universe, as long as my hands can hold my brushes and my soul can carry my dreams.
It’s a lonely path, no doubt.
But there will be amazing creatures and moments along the way. Bonfires and the shadows will keep me warm and dance with me when the wind blows and the stars speak throughout the silence.
Life is an illusion. Time doesn’t exist.
But art does.
And thats all that matters.
When we are feeling pretty lost, we tend to search for roots, for references that may bring us back to safety and meaning. I have a gigantic family both on my dad’s and mom’s side. But I was raised not very close to neither, I always felt kind of separeted and not belonging to anything. This feeling made me grasp for a family of my own and when I was 21 I was already married and pregnant. 20 years later, my son is a grown up and the sense of empty nest syndrome sets in once again.
Through Facebook I got in touch with relatives that were long lost and missed. Some of them ( like the cousin in the painting) i have never met and yet, makes me long for something that runs deeper than the vains and surnames ties. André is a kind hearted person, who cares for his kid, helps the poor, works with at risk youth and yet takes his time to say hi and “like” stuff on the internet. Cool kid with a super cool little kid. So I painted him playing with Heitor. Because life passes too quickly when we play with our kids and some day, he will have this moment captured on canvas to rewind time.
……
Quando a gente se sente bem perdida, a gente começa a procurar por raÃzes, referencias que nos tragam seguramça e significado. Eu tenho familias gigantes do lado do meu pai e da minha mãe. Mas eu não fui criada muito próxima de nenhum dos lados, e eu sempre me senti meio separada e não pertencendo a coisa nenhuma. Esse sentimento talvez tenha sido a origem de eu, aos 21, ja estar casada e gravida. 20 anos depois, meu filho ja é adulto e a sensação de ninho vazio volta a aparecer. Pelo Facebook eu achei muitos parentes que ha muito havia me desencontrado e que faziam falta. Alguns deles (como o primo da pintura) eu ainda em conheço, mas me fazem falta por motivos ainda mais profundos do que os que correm nas veias ou nos laços de sobrenome. André é uma pessoa de coração enorme, que cuida do filhinho dele, ajuda pessoas que precisam, trabalha com dependentes quÃmicos, corre e ainda assim tem tempo de dizer um oi e “curtir” coisas que ve na internet. Um cara legal com um filhotinho super legal. Então eu pintei ele brincando com o Heitor. Porque a vida passa rapido demais, especialmente quando brincamos com nossos filhos. Ai um dia, ele vai ter esse momento capturado na tela pra poder voltar no tempo! Beijos primos!
Do not take for granted
My hunger for life
I was buried alive while struggling to live
It wasn’t always easy to be me
it was the way I found to run from impossibilities
My living statement on unsafe grounds
Hunger became my ongoing state of existence
Only the new was fresh enough
Only the flexibible would bring me around
So I gently accepted my weaknesses
My failures, limitations and hopelessness
I took the chance on being myself
And never looked back
Do not take for granted
My hability to dream
Reality has been around for quite a while
And it drove me close to extintion.
Somehow, I manage to keep myself alive
I dance among insanity, hope and faith
But i still allow myself to dreaming
It’s like the ultimate resource
As an intentional way for survival
It’s my self inducted vortex to freedom.
Do not take for granted
My capacity to love
I have seen evil and tyranny
And have tasted the bitter taste of indifference
But I overcame my pains and sores
And demanded my heart to heal
Even though my soul refused to understand.
I love, despite all efforts to make me hate.
As long as I remember
I have not been good to myself
I forgot how many times I ignored my needs
My feelings, my wishes, myself.
I have had a life full of priorities
And I was never one of them
A life in fear, a life in guilt
Sensations of everlasting emptiness
Sorrow without any apparent reason
Loneliness, sorrounded by people
No one, ever, really met me.
I live in doubt
I don’t trust
I don’t believe in relationships.
Yes, it’s much easier to pretend
It is easier to love the beautiful
Funnier to deal with good and nice.
I am not easy, beautiful, fun, good nor nice.
Deal with it. Or don’t. I don’t care.
Priority, from now on, is to do whatever I always did
But only regarding my own good and satisfacion
Enough of pleasing others
Enough of fitting in
I had it.
The spoilt child was never spoilt
She was scared and unsure
She was not a priority, even when she should have been.
Then, in order to get some attention
i gave it all to eveybody else
Except to myself.
That was my mistake among others
My unaware miss-use of priority.
Awareness is not an easy thing to reach
But priority is mandatory if you want it.
O silencio, as vezes
Permite aos olhos falar
O silencio, quase sempre
Permite a alma descansar em paz.
…………………
Silence, some times
Allows the eyes to speak
Silence, most of times
Allows the soul to rest in peace.
I miss a moment never lived
I want a person I never met
I crave for a feeling I never felt
I long for a life I never had
Time storms in
And gelid drops of tears
Are flooding my house.
I am quietly drowning
I see my senseless
Pale and lifeless
Hands
At the botton of the ocean
And I do not bother.
No rescue is required
There’s nothing else
To be done
To be said
Silence suits the occasion.
The home is empty
Fresh dust settles in
Brought by the lonely wind.
No one cares.
Soon it all will be over
Life goes on
There’s no looking back,
No regrets
Nothing to be remembered
Said
Felt
Or done.
Too much said-felt-done
Never granted me peace
Therefor I doubt
any good intentions.
As a matter of a fact
They are all fake
Pointless
Selfish
Breathing is making me tired
I will rest now
over a deep blue quilt
under a faded and gentle veil
Of thoughtlessness
Until I wake up
Of this numbness living
And start dreaming again.
Registers from the unveiling.
luciana mariano 