fear

Saying goodbye

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Time to say goodbye is the hardest thing for me.

I don’t say goodbye to people, no, I am not that cruel to myself… But I need to say goodbye to stories, to time that passes, to moments that end. I must say farewell to now to start the new now that is already coming. I can’t help it. I can’t avoid the cruelty of time when time comes. I am afraid of not liking the times ahead of me, so I suffer. I am afraid of missing the time I am leaving behind. Somehow I feel that I live in fear of all these farewells, all these lost moments, usually the moments I didn’t choose for myself, moments that time, life or destiny eventually pushes me into.
[…]

If I can’t avoid this time to pass, I will try to follow the advice of a very special acquaintance of mine. As this dear friend (may I call you friend?) said:
“look at things with this: how interesting that this happens, funny”.

So will it be.
I will stop fighting it. I will give in.Trust and surrender to these kind words of wisdom…

So, posting this painting of Saint George, the peaceful warrior killing the dragon (that’s how i feel) I will try to accept the inevitable, get on my way to the airport and leave.

Farewell… There, it’s done.

Scene

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Two trees and then, one tree.
A green chair that doesn’t match.
Pink wall, confusing and yet warm.
Hanging beads, no wind.
Transparency and grace.
A lonely vase, with a lonely tulip, on a lonely window.
The white cat licks its paw, then it stops… What’s happening?
One hand, curious eyes… Where is she?
Excitement. Thrill.

(…)

Blue sky, quiet clouds.
Pearls falling from trees.
Toys that we never play with
Charms for luck. Superstition.
Blue sky, frozen clouds, empty horizon.
More beads. Hanging quetly. No wind. No movement.

(…)

Will i ever be found?
Will i ever be loved?
Where is he?
What should I do?
Where should I go?

(…)

Marine blue boots ready to go. Deep purple umbrella. Scarfs.

Silence.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Duas árvores e então, uma arvore.
Uma cadeira verde que nĂŁo combina.
Parede rosa, confusa e ainda assim quente.
Contas penduradas, sem vento.
Transparência e graça.
Um vaso solitário, com uma tulipa solitária, em uma janela solitária.
O gato branco lambe a pata e para… O que está acontecendo?
Uma mĂŁo. Olhos curiosos… Onde ela está?
Excitação. Suspense.

(…)

Céu azul, nuvens quietas.
Pérolas caindo das árvores.
Brinquedos que nunca brincamos.
Amuletos para sorte. Superstição.
Céu azul, nuvens congeladas, horizonte vazio.
Mais contas. Penduradas quietamente. Sem movimento.

(…)

Vou ser achada?
Vou ser amada?
Onde ele está?
O que eu faço?
Para onde vou?

(…)

Botas azuis marinho prontas para partir.
Guarda chuva de um roxo profundo.
CachecĂłis.

SilĂŞncio.

empty nest

sometimes everything is just as it is supposed to be but we just don´t get it

our vision of life goes not much further than our eyes can see, but life is much bigger, and yet such a speck on the universe

sometimes gray skies, but inside the tiles are kept warm and colorful

because nothing is worth our despair

everything just needs our contemplation

understanding and letting go of all fear, all doubt

and finally surrender to inner peace, where time and space meet and let our existence make some sense.

Just breath, that´s the ultimate advice.

wouldn´t it be nice…

sol

… if I could only lay down in my bed and be reached by the sun light, gentle, warm, peacefully.

…if  all my troubles could be about deciding what to wear today.

…if the worst confusion of my life was the messy pattern of my quilt.

…if  I could stop time, and decide wisely wich way to go… and keep walking until I reached it?

wouldn´t it be nice if I could dream with no guilt and live with no fear?

On canvas and paint everything is possible.